Today is the one year anniversary of my first day back at work after Emma and James were born. My working-mom-iversery. In some ways, I think about all the changes that have happened since then and think things are 100% different, but in some ways, things are just exactly the same.
I was so lucky that my Mom came to stay with us for my first week back at work. Not only could I call her 18 times an hour to see how the babies were without worrying what she would think, but also because she had been doing the working mama thing for 30 years at that point – she knew exactly what I was feeling. And really when you’re sad and don’t know what to do, sometimes you just need your Mama, even when you’re a mama too.
That first day back though, whew, it was rough. I think I cried every single time someone said, “Welcome back!” I made a special photo album of the babies’ first two months and looked at it about every 2 minutes. I took it with me to all my meetings. I showed it to total strangers who didn’t know me from Adam. I joined the ranks of the pumping mamas who made the thrice a day trek to our pretty awesome pumping rooms at work. But weirdly, I also felt a little good every once in a while, which of course, made me feel guilty. I actually have 2 hands free to check my email or eat my lunch. I hadn’t had both hands free in 2 months! I forgot how much faster I could type with all 10 fingers.
Since then we have had huge transitions. We transitioned from the week of Grandma-care to our babysitter Bekah. That is another God-ordained story for another day. Babies started sleeping longer and longer till it was all the way through the night. Then in their own room. Then their own cribs. They started eating solids. I stopped breastfeeding and pumping (another story for the mama guilt factory, but hey! I made it 4 solid months). There has been new adventure in rolling over, crawling and now cruising. We moved into a new house. So many firsts have happened in the last year. James and Emma were just sleepy, warm bundles of cuddle this time last year. Now they are playing, “I wanna get down!” toddlers. The whole world seems different.
But then again, it all seems the same. I still am trying to figure this “juggling act” all out. How can I get up at the same time everyday and sometime get out the door 10 minutes early and sometimes 20 minutes late? Where the heck does all my sick time go? How am I supposed to get the laundry done? And dinner? And bathe, read to, feed, change AND play with the babies? And get some sleep? All in the 3.2 seconds before tomorrow starts it all over again? If you know the answer, you need to write a book, because I don’t know if any mom ever gets it all figured out.
But I have learned a few lessons along the way this past year too. I am thankful for our childcare situation which suits our family perfectly. I learned that I just cannot attempt to do any housework or chores until after the babies go to bed. I don’t even try, that little time I have between getting home and their bedtime is too short and way too precious to me to spend it elbow deep in dirty dishwater. I have learned that I freaking love our crockpot and if I were creative enough, I would make dinner every night. I learned I should make my lunches for work the night before, but I never seem to get around to it. I have learned that sometimes the dishes and the laundry will pile up, but I would rather be on the floor playing with the babies, so who cares? Those jeans can get one more wear. And lastly I learned that I will never stop missing my babies during the day, but seeing their faces sure does help…
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Congrats! I think you have things in perspective and from what I read, you are a great Mama! Don’t let that “Mommy guilt” rear it’s ugly head…
December 8th, 2009 at 2:31 pm